the deepest feeling ever

I’m nervous, I’m anxious, apprehensive and restless. I feel like typing an entry that has no full stops. I can’t eat well. Food became tasteless, I just gobbled them up for the sake of surviving. Or just to take my mind off thinking about you. I’m guilty of comfort eating. I keep on drinking glasses after glasses of juice.

I think about you every day before I go to bed. You keep on making me feel queasy, you never fail to do so, not even for a day. The unsettling feeling leaves me unable to sleep because the moment I try to shut my eyes, images of you come rushing by and I can’t seem to breathe right. You are the first thing that comes to my mind too when I’m awake. Damn it, I need to be in a chirpy mood before I go off to work but how can I do so when I constantly get so sick of this current circumstance that both of us are in. I really miss you heaps I wish you could be the first thing that I see when I start my day, just like how it used to be.

Your replacement now is indeed a no match but I am grateful though for if not for it this situation might be worse. I might not be able to cope. I might be missing you even more.

I thought I am strong. I thought I could sail through this matter smoothly. I was wrong.

Gosh there’s nothing more I’d want right now than to see you back again. See you running up and about. Feel your love and warmth towards me. You, me, we have this connection that sets up apart from others. I want to see you strong again. I want to love you fiercely.

I called that chick and she told me it’s still in the process. Waiting for the approval that might be settled within this week. The word ‘might’ makes me feel sick. I get so anxious I feel like throwing up. There’s like a lead on my shoulder. Every breath that I take feels heavy.

I really love you.
I miss you so much.
I’ve never experienced anything like this before.

Si Hensem, I hope we would be able to overcome this problem asap. I hope the insurance matter would be settled within a flash. I hope we would be reunited again this weekend. I want it to happen so badly :( I hope you are feeling better and would be able to take me to anywhere I wanna go with no sweat. I can’t wait to drive you again. There’s better cars out there, but nothing beats the first love, baby.