and the fear kicks in

Our wedding was actually scheduled to be in December but we decided to have it in September due to one main reason :

The online application for transfer would be opened only twice a year, that is, in April and yes, in September.

We wanted to have a sijil nikah in order for me to apply for my transfer. At least I could tick off the box mengikut suami in the section where I have to state my reason for the application of transfer.

I have always have this fear that this application would be rejected. I have even contemplating in quitting my job. I wanted to be beside my husband. Reason being, he is sick.

That is why I wanted to move so badly.

My husband is diabetic. He has been diagnosed with Diabetes Type 1 since he was 12. That was fourteen years ago. That is what most of our friends know about.

What we have been keeping to ourselves is that, sadly, his condition has been deteriorating.

It has started to affect his eyes. Earlier this year, he kept on complaining about his blurry vision and how uncomfortable he felt. I urged him to see a doctor and we got a recommendation of a good one. And so we went.

It was one of the saddest day in my life when I heard about the possibilities. If you haven't heard about diabetic retinopathy, google it up if you have the time and curiosity. There were blood clots in his eyes and they were swollen. It could eventually lead to blindness.

It could be stopped from getting worse (i.e - stop the bleeding and swelling) but the treatment is really expensive. He needed a laser treatment and also injection into the eye balls.

But God is Almighty, that was settled. He was able to go through the treatment. However, it could come back anytime. He has been undergoing the treatment for several times now and he is scheduled for another one really soon. InshaAllah. He need to watch his diet, control his glucose as well as his blood pressure.

Which brings us to another scare.

He now has hypertension. He is on medication for hypertension and the food choices that he has now is even more limited. Eating out has to be avoided because stalls often use MSG which is bad for his blood pressure. He often comes back late from work and would find himself too lethargic to prepare his own meal upon reaching home. So eating out seems to be the only option.

There is also another scare.

His kidney is now slightly affected. Sometimes, his feetwould swell and this would make him uncomfortable. So he would have to watch his diet even more. However, eating out a healthy meal in Malaysia is almost impossible. And there is not a lot of option for someone who has diabetes, hypertension as well as a slightly affected kidney. His urine is high in uric acid and a few more things. Even eating some vegetables is not good for him for they might be high in certain things that could force his kidney to work more (which is not good). We are aiming in not letting his kidney to work more than it should be.

I guess now you would understand how badly I want this transfer and why.

It's not because I'm such a dependent person I can't live without my husband, no, it's more than that. I don't mind going to see a mechanic on my own when my car is not in a good shape. I don't mind paying the bills and going here and there. I don't mind travelling and driving my reliable car, Si Hensem, on my own.

The only thing that matters to me is my husband's health and that I want to be able to help him manage his condition, not to make it worse. I want him to live long and healthy. I want to do EVERYTHING that it could take to help him feel better. Whatever it takes. From waking up early in the morning to prepare his breakfast and lunch to massaging his feet before he goes to sleep so that he would feel at ease.

Hmmmph.

I have attached his surat sakit along with my transfer application. My principal who is known as someone who would question his teachers' reason in applying for a transfer so much that it could drive someone to cancel the application, did not question me a word about my transfer. He quickly endorsed it.

I need all of your doa, in praying for us that I could be transferred near him as soon as possible, as well as praying for his health.

The result will come out in November and we had planned to go to Putrajaya should the application be rejected and yeah, practically beg for the transfer.

I have faith in qada' and qadar. There is no harm in trying and so we try. Allah is merciful and HE knows everything, so, in Him we trust.

InshaAllah.