and the fear kicks in

Our wedding was actually scheduled to be in December but we decided to have it in September due to one main reason :

The online application for transfer would be opened only twice a year, that is, in April and yes, in September.

We wanted to have a sijil nikah in order for me to apply for my transfer. At least I could tick off the box mengikut suami in the section where I have to state my reason for the application of transfer.

I have always have this fear that this application would be rejected. I have even contemplating in quitting my job. I wanted to be beside my husband. Reason being, he is sick.

That is why I wanted to move so badly.

My husband is diabetic. He has been diagnosed with Diabetes Type 1 since he was 12. That was fourteen years ago. That is what most of our friends know about.

What we have been keeping to ourselves is that, sadly, his condition has been deteriorating.

It has started to affect his eyes. Earlier this year, he kept on complaining about his blurry vision and how uncomfortable he felt. I urged him to see a doctor and we got a recommendation of a good one. And so we went.

It was one of the saddest day in my life when I heard about the possibilities. If you haven't heard about diabetic retinopathy, google it up if you have the time and curiosity. There were blood clots in his eyes and they were swollen. It could eventually lead to blindness.

It could be stopped from getting worse (i.e - stop the bleeding and swelling) but the treatment is really expensive. He needed a laser treatment and also injection into the eye balls.

But God is Almighty, that was settled. He was able to go through the treatment. However, it could come back anytime. He has been undergoing the treatment for several times now and he is scheduled for another one really soon. InshaAllah. He need to watch his diet, control his glucose as well as his blood pressure.

Which brings us to another scare.

He now has hypertension. He is on medication for hypertension and the food choices that he has now is even more limited. Eating out has to be avoided because stalls often use MSG which is bad for his blood pressure. He often comes back late from work and would find himself too lethargic to prepare his own meal upon reaching home. So eating out seems to be the only option.

There is also another scare.

His kidney is now slightly affected. Sometimes, his feetwould swell and this would make him uncomfortable. So he would have to watch his diet even more. However, eating out a healthy meal in Malaysia is almost impossible. And there is not a lot of option for someone who has diabetes, hypertension as well as a slightly affected kidney. His urine is high in uric acid and a few more things. Even eating some vegetables is not good for him for they might be high in certain things that could force his kidney to work more (which is not good). We are aiming in not letting his kidney to work more than it should be.

I guess now you would understand how badly I want this transfer and why.

It's not because I'm such a dependent person I can't live without my husband, no, it's more than that. I don't mind going to see a mechanic on my own when my car is not in a good shape. I don't mind paying the bills and going here and there. I don't mind travelling and driving my reliable car, Si Hensem, on my own.

The only thing that matters to me is my husband's health and that I want to be able to help him manage his condition, not to make it worse. I want him to live long and healthy. I want to do EVERYTHING that it could take to help him feel better. Whatever it takes. From waking up early in the morning to prepare his breakfast and lunch to massaging his feet before he goes to sleep so that he would feel at ease.

Hmmmph.

I have attached his surat sakit along with my transfer application. My principal who is known as someone who would question his teachers' reason in applying for a transfer so much that it could drive someone to cancel the application, did not question me a word about my transfer. He quickly endorsed it.

I need all of your doa, in praying for us that I could be transferred near him as soon as possible, as well as praying for his health.

The result will come out in November and we had planned to go to Putrajaya should the application be rejected and yeah, practically beg for the transfer.

I have faith in qada' and qadar. There is no harm in trying and so we try. Allah is merciful and HE knows everything, so, in Him we trust.

InshaAllah.

pantas

Baru aku sedar yang kuku aku nih cepat betul panjang nye. Pakai inai on 16th September, sekarang ni baru 29th, dah nampak dah bahagian warna sebenar kuku. Hari tuh nampak skit aje, skarang dah makin banyak.

Tapi kuku kaki kalah teruk dalam perlumbaan "siapa panjang dulu".

Tengok tengok inai di jari, rase terima kasih sangat sangat sangat tahap megababoom pada Izza, Yuni, Zab sebab datang malam khamis tu untuk pakaikan inai. Sampai sesat sesat. Miscommunication tahap hebat. Tak ape...janji selamat sampai :-)

Mana nak carik kawan kawan yang sanggup tepekkan inai kat jari tangan dan jari kaki semua. Mereka buat dengan penuh kasih sayang dan dedikasi. Ape agaknya perasaan tengok kawan diaorang yang dulu sama sama susah senang time study dah nak kawen agaknye ek. I don't know. Tapi perasaan saya time tuh adelah, I felt so glad I got to see my girls on the last night of me being a bachelorette.

Semalaman pakai inai. Tidor malam tuh kat ruang tamu sebab takut kotorkan cadar baru. Sambil tido sambil kopek kopek inai yang dah kering. Hehehe. Mana tahan. Bangun tidor sepah sepah dah inai kat tempat tido.

Tapi hasil dia cantik.

Thank you girls :-)

sama sama

I have been married for a few days now. Alhamdulillah our majlis went well. Friends and relatives came from near and far to share our happiness :-) I'll upload more pictures later when the internet is more reliable and when I have the time to do so.




We are currently in an LDM, which stands for a long distance marriage, which hinders us from spending loads of time together, having a good time with each other.




One of the things that I miss the most is performing the prayer with him leading me. There's a sense of utter serenity when we pray together and when I follow his lead. It makes me feel that I can depend on him, I can trust him to lead me and I'll be fine when I'm with him. I crave for that feeling again.




I'll see him this Friday.
If God wills it, I can let him to lead me again.
Dan saya akan cium tangan suami saya selepas doa.
Dan hati kami akan berbunga bunga.




Doakan kami bahagia, sihat sejahtera, dimurahkan rezeki dan dikurniakan zuriat yang sihat serta bijaksana (as soon as possible ;-P) Terima kasih daun keladi! :-)

see yah :-)

see you guys this 180910! :-)

School hols has started (it is such a relief to think that I don't have to drive 2hrs back on Sunday / Monday morning!) and Raya is just around the corner. Honestly, I have not been paying too much attention on Raya because the event that will be happening a week after Raya is the event that has my utmost attention.

I've started on the last minute preparation and things have been going on well. Alhamdulillah. Can't wait to see my friends and relatives on our big day but most importantly, I can't wait to be his legally wedded wife. I have been piling on weight and can't seem to shed them off even though it's puasa but it's OK. I've learnt to accept me as I am. Hehee. If all others could think of is how prosperous (heheheh) we are on our wedding day, well that is just too bad. I hope they won't be too traumatic to devour on those tasty meals on our do though! :-D

Selamat berpuasa. I have a shopping date with my mom and bro tomorrow :-)