Beloved Cica

Cica has a very special place in my heart. He's the cat that came into our lives when I just started my tertiary education. We never intended to make him as our pet. It just happened.

He and his mother, along with 2 of his siblings used to come by our house often. They would hang out at the back of our home. We fed them, out of pity. No harm, in that, right?

He used to poop there very often and this drove my mother mad. But as much as she was angry at him, she still has a soft spot for him. Cica seemed to understand instruction very well. My mom scolded him a couple of times and the pooping ceased. Gradually, we invited him, literally, into our house. Only him though, sans his mother and the other siblings. They were too shy.

There was this one stage of his life where he spent a lot of his time in our home. So much that we thought he was gay. Much to our delight, he even learned (by himself) how to use the toilet. He would do his business in the toilet, at the toilet's drain. Those who had to use the toilet after that was the lucky one, that person had to clean after Cica's mess. I was luckily, never that person.

We have a deep sense of attachment to Cica. We got worried when he was sick and also when he went missing for days. He grew up fast and before we knew it, he was an adult and had ventured into the reality of mating. So, he was always busy mating during those seasons which happened very often (to my astonishment). He would come back after days of straying and he ate a lot during those times. Then he would go to sleep. He would even climb on to my mom's bed and slept beside her. My mom had no problem with that because although Cica is a male, he behaves really well. He had never bitten anyone's foot when we're fast asleep.

One downside of mating however is that, the cats will get into a lot of fights. I guess that's just the way it goes. There was once where Cica went back home, with a bloody hole on his thigh. We were in our panic mode. To make matter worse, he went missing for days after that. On the first day of his absence, my mom told us that he probably went to look for medicine on his own. She said that cats sometimes eat grass to help them with healing. But after this absence continued for days, we were worried sick. We had teary eyes. We thought about him and then we cried. We were pretty damn sure that he was dead. We even looked for his body everywhere, so that he would be buried appropriately. So imagine how surprised we were when one day, we heard him meowing his way through the kitchen's door. We hugged him and we cried shamelessly.

When I went oversea, he was one of the beloveds that I had to leave behind. I wanted to let him sleep on my bed the night before my flight but he didn't want to. I was pretty much rejected. What to do, maybe he was shy around his big sister. So I left with a big question mark on my head. Will he still be around when I'm back? If he is, will he still be able to remember me? Because Cica is very shy around strangers. When there are guests in our house, he would vanish in a poof and comes back hours after those guests had left.

Thank God he somehow remembered me. He was not shy and did not try to run away when I hugged him the minute I reached home. Everything was normal.

Cica was in my life from when I entered young adulthood to becoming an adult who had entered the working field. He became such a part of the home. It doesn't feel normal if he's not there for a long period of time. Even after we welcomed Cici into our life. He's another cat that we decided to take care of and he resembled Cica very much, hence the similar name. But they dislike each other. Cici is very naughty, he's the opposite of Cica. Whereas Cica is shy, reserved and value his privacy, Cici is not. Cici likes to bother Cica, so gradually, he came home a little bit less.

But the first is always the special one. So I practised my bias-ness every now and then. I feed Cica first, followed by Cici. And if the young one tried to bother Cica, I smack him. Do not bully Cica, he deserved to be respected because he was around much longer.

As a cat age, their appearance slowly became less appealing. It's the age and probably because of the fighting that he seemed to be getting into a lot. His coat became less shiny and messy. He left marks wherever he sat on. But we still love him, and we're glad he still came home everytime he smell fish being boiled by my mom.

A couple of days before last weekend, he got into a fight again. And he was bitten quite terribly, as told by my mom. He did not come home for days, the usual thing that he did when he's sick. There's another hole on his body too, this time around. This must be one big, bloody fight. He did, came home on Saturday (finally). But we were on our way out, going somewhere. My mom tried to feed him but he did not want to eat. He just stared at it blankly. His coat was worse than usual and I mentioned that to my mom.

On Sunday, as I was washing my car I noticed him sitting quietly under a chair. He smelled terribly bad. There were feces around him and it was pure, dark black. He was looking awfully bad. We tried to make him drink water, he looked very dehydrated. But he did not even touch the water. His eyes were always closed, as if to hold the pain inside of him. I kinda knew it right then, that it might be the last. But I kept it inside of me. Each of us kept it inside of us, hoping that maybe he would beat his sickness, this time around, as he always do. But my brother told me to look at Cica with all my heart because it might be the last time I could.

And he was right.

Today, on Tuesday January 13th 2009, Cica passed away after almost 7 years of living. My mom brought him to the clinic and although the vet had told her that it was quite impossible, he still tried to save him. Cica was being left at the clinic and around 3pm, my mom got a phone call from the vet, telling her that Cica had passed away. How devastating that phone call must be to my mom.

I can't type anymore. It made me wanted to cry even more as I think about him. It is painful to lose someone that you can never see any longer. Especially someone whom had become a part of your life, that we even wrote his name on the wedding present that we gave to my cousin. He was a family. He is still one, actually. Along will always have a special place for you in my heart, Cica. You rest well there, I'll see you someday and I hope at that time, I could comprehend everything that you say to me. Till then,

I miss you.

AAR

The All American Rejects are now back with their third album, When The World Comes Down which was out December 16. And this is their first single, Gives You Hell.

This is a total 'fuck u' song. You know, the kinda song that is suited to be dedicated to someone who broke your heart, etc. It raises up your mood really quite efficiently, I must say ;) I'm loving it! ^^

Enjoy!

for my future koibito

This entry is not healthy for my mind's health. I should've avoided it but I can't.

koibito, means sweetheart in Japanese.

This is something to guide you, my future koibito.

If you want to serenade me, this is the song that I've always had on my mind. The perfect song. You don't have to sing it to me, I don't want a beautiful moment to be charred with ridiculous laughter.

Keep in mind though, give it to me and mean it. Because there's nothing that appalled me more than saying something and taking it back in the future.



"It's not your fault those hands are cold,
clinging onto the wounds of the past."

I don't know if you exist.
But if you do, love me unconditionally.
And show me that you care, truly care.

"To be loved by someone,
by anyone,
it makes life shine"


p/s - this song is kinda sad, so don't click play if you're avoiding sad, sappy feeling.

oppa yunho

Oppa is a term of endearment in Korean for a guy. I have hots for Yunho since early 2007. What's not to like, he's cute and he dances really well (I'm sweating just typing this entry about him *blush blush*)

He is one of the members of DBSK, a korean boy band that I dig (so so much I'm feverish just thinking about them! Kyaaa!). I'm not ashamed to admit that I do daydream about him every now and then. That's what us girls do :P Especially when we need some pick-me-up, it helps to dream about a (really) good looking oppa being your sweetie :)



One interesting story about him, he was nearly poisoned by an anti-fan. He drank a beverage, believing that it was given by a crew member. The beverage was actually spiked with super glue. But luckily no harm was done, he threw up and got all of it out of his system. And the interesting part is, he did not press any charges on that anti-fan, saying that he has a sister of the same age as her. Dayyum, saint, right?

If there's such thing as a genie in a lamp, I'm sure you can guess what my first wish would be.

Yunho, in my arms, all mine :D

Here's DBSK latest MV, Wrong number. If you wanna see Yunho in his action, he's the one topless in the bathroom *hotness!* ^^

the first day!

Phew, the first day was over. It was pretty much nerve-wrecking to get back to work after some nice, relaxing holidays that were filled with much laziness and shopping :P I have to admit though, today was relatively easy because the form 1s are on their orientation (of which, tomorrow wud be the last day, *sigh*)

I got my timetable early in the morning (the timetable will change a couple of times, last year I think it was about five times haha) and it looks like I'm gonna have to teach only form 1s and 2s. Thank God my wish was granted altho it was like, only a part of it because I have to be the form teacher of this form 2 class that has 5 'legendary' boys! Gaah! :P

school's cool

I can't deny that it really breaks my heart that the holidays have finally come to an end. I had about three weeks of holidays (it was shorter than my other colleagues due to the spm invigilation duty). Plenty had happened during this holidays so I was pretty much breathless.

So it really felt like the holidays are gone in a blink of an eye.

Now I had to go back to school again tomorrow (went back few times earlier but this time it's more official- teaching is involved *gagaga~~*) and go through the same things that I had endured for the whole past year.

Well, maybe with a bit of an attitude. I am, after all have been teaching there for a year. So a little ego won't hurt :P

Best of luck to the teachers all over Malaysia. A close friend of mine is gonna be posted to Kapit, Sarawak soon and I wish her, especially, the very best of luck.

Fighto~~~ oh!